Right now, I feel lost.
It feels like I am wandering in a foggy forest with no map and no direction. What if my next decision goes wrong? Am I doing enough? These questions never leave my mind. When I look at my parents and their hopeful faces saying I can do this.
It breaks my heart. I don’t know where I am going right now. When I see people achieving all their goals, this sentence never leaves my mind that I can do this too. I don’t want to look back at my life and feel like oh what a waste of a good life.
The fog of uncertainty
I am in a place where nothing seems certain. I am not the kind of person I really want to be. The plans I make never go the way I make them, all the plot twists make me feel like it’s better to take another path.
Sometimes I ask myself:
Is there really a plan for me?
Am I doing enough?
Am I being guided or is this just a loophole where I am walking and then coming back to the same place.
The sting of failure
I don’t want to label anything in my life as a failure. But I feel really bad when I see some hopes and plans go to waste. My parents really deserve a better child than me, they really deserve the world and what is happening to me is really heartbreaking.
But at heart I am good, I know I can do this, I have done this and I will do it. I have proven myself many times, so I will do it this time too.
Learning to sit with discomfort
The most important thing I have learned on this journey is that it is okay to feel discomfort, even if it seems like a huge task. It is okay to feel bad, but still move forward and learn how to let go. It is okay to cry when everything seems to be falling apart.
Sometimes I journal to express everything , so I don’t feel worse about the situation anymore. That can lead to solutions. Sometimes I just breathe and hug my body tightly, to remind myself that I’m still alive and breathing and that’s truly enough for this moment.
Redefining what it means to be lost
I’m starting to wonder if being lost is actually part of finding my way. Maybe this confusion, this chaos, is teaching me something I don’t yet understand. Maybe one day I’ll look back and realize that one situation never defined me, I am everything I need to be.
It’s okay to not have all the answers right now.
It’s okay to cry and feel everything that is very uncomfortable.
Failure doesn’t define me; it’s just part of the journey.
Growth often looks and feels like chaos.
Choosing to keep going
Even if I don’t know where this journey will go. Whether I’m going to make it or not. But I really want to try, try my best for myself, for my parents, for my inner child, for my younger self who always believed in me that I can do anything, I don’t want to be disappointed by anything.
If you are also feeling lost I am here for you and you are never alone, God is with you and you will be fine, I will be fine too.